At the ripe age of 9, I was forced to do 50 squat jumps by my kung fu coach if I was late to practice unless I had a really, really good excuse. Ever since then, I taught myself the art and science of storytelling for the sake of my glutes. Life has never been the same. I may not know how to do a butterfly kick, but I like to craft a rich, buttery croissant of a story. Alas, my little experiment with honesty turned into a real career. So let’s co-conspire and kick it.

Butterfly style.